5 Reasons to Stop "Trying" Your Best

Do you ever feel that no matter what you do, you are failing at being a mom?  

You are not alone.

According to parents.com, a recent surveys shows that over 60% of women feel that they are failing at parenting.  This is a huge percentage considering being a mom is a natural genetic thing that should come natural for us, right?  But something is not quite right today.

We feel guilty. We feel overwhelmed. We have these huge expectations exponentially increased by the successes of friends on social media and the exposure of others' successes all over the web. Friends and family living the American dream seem to baffle our minds into - "what did I do wrong?"

Mom guilt.  Ohhhh, sooo much mom guilt.  

All of this pressure just takes us away from being present to be with those that we love, especially our children.

At the end of the day, what do our children want the most? To be close to us.  To be held.  To be comforted.

Y'all I have seen so many kids after this pandemic who just seem like they are disconnected and in a world of their own.  At my daughters swim practice last week, waiting for the restroom, a young girl looked right at me and started talking. " Guess how old I am." I guessed wrong and she continued to provide me this narrative that seemed like something from a sci-fi book.  Something like this, "yes, people looked surprised when I tell them, but for some reason you do not.  I suppose people just think that tall kids should be a certain age", etc.... And, y'all she kept going for like 5 minutes without looking up at me. Her mom walked right by her and told her to hurry up (um.... hurry up waiting in line for the bathroom?) and the mom just walked to the other side of the pool and sat down. Whuuuuut?

I've been thinking about that interaction and oddly enough, I could see that being an interaction with my kiddo. I "try" my best soooo hard that I fizzle out, and my ability to care for others is kaput.

Stop "trying" to do your best. 

"Standards in of themselves are not bad; it's what people attach to them that can make them problematic." - Georgia State University Professor Kenneth Rice, co-director of the Center for the Study of Stress, Trauma, and Resilience

Reason 1

When we live in a state of trying to do our best, we use a lot of brain fuel.  This cycle of trying is an ever increasing treadmill. We burn out. There is nothing left to give. Our kids get nothing.

"Trying" brings lack of connection.

Reason 2

We, as moms, get nothing.  Joy comes in the stillness of being present.  "Trying" comes from a past or future fear. "Trying" is absent in the present.

"Trying" creates depression.

Reason 3

When our time is spent being hyper aware that we are not at our best, the shame and guilt suit we wear becomes the image our children will learn to emulate. It becomes their hero. It becomes their ideal. It teaches our children that they are never good enough - ever.  

Brené Brown, in her book The Gift of Imperfection, she says, "research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis."

As a mommy, you know you don't care if your kid is the smartest.  You don't care if your kid is the most sane. You just know you love them with all your heart no matter what and to plant the seed of sadness and despair in your child would never be what you would want to bestow to your child.

As a mom, the most natural feeling I have for my child is love.  I want to basically hug her - indefinitely when I become tuned.

"Trying" creates shame.

Reason 4

Perfection is not attainable. 

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business." - Michael J. Fox

"Trying" is futile.

Reason 5

In the efforting required in the trying, we fail to experience the treasures of joy waiting for us to discover. 

Have you ever spent a lot of time with your child while in the state of "trying" and efforting, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.  Then, you have an experience or even just a moment where you realize just how young and precious your child is?  And, it catches you off guard.

I have.  Like, when my munchkin goes to grandma's and I call her on the phone.  She picks up and I hear this sweet little voice. I almost have to catch my breath because I am so shocked at the preciousness that is always around me, but somehow I just now caught the joy by surprise?

"Trying" makes you miss out on the joys of life.

So then.  How do we be? 

Slow down. Be. Hold your child. Listen more than you talk. Adore with your eyes, your words, and your intention. Choose love.

When you start feeling anxious. When you start feeling like you should do more, be more, have more.  Stop. Be. Be with. Love. Choose love.

If in doubt, choose the road less taken. Choose love.

Love you mammas!

Love,

Lulu's Mom

 

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